Balancing my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.
- The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.
